Friday, May 11, 2012

Where Did the Fire Go? Or, the Return of High-School Kirsten.

 Passion. Back in the day, I had oodles of it. Truckloads, in fact. I have a whole livejournal’s worth of crazy, intense, high-school-youth-group passion with a capital P. Things used to burn in me, so crazily that I couldn’t be silent (though honestly, probably half the time I should have kept my damn mouth shut and not typed a single word).

Fast forward to today, where I am 26. Twenty-six. When did that happen, passing the quarter century mark? No matter – where a quarter century has gotten me is sitting on my couch, watching hours of television daily, eating far too many Toll House cookies, waiting for someone else to weed my garden (usually my husband). I am being honest, y’all. That is not an exaggeration. That is a typical day for me right now.

Okay, so, passion fell by the wayside awhile ago. Somewhere in the midst of finding the man of my dreams, getting married, buying the house of my dreams – I stopped living. Crazy that with getting all the things I could ever dream of, MORE than I could dream of, I completely lost touch with feeling anything. This thing, whatever I’ve been doing – it is not life. It is not intentional. It is not emotional. It is not much of anything.

So writing this is something – a confession? A hope for something more than what has been over these past months? Right now, typing up crazy things at 3 a.m. (which I will post at a more reasonable hour today, when I actually have internet access), I am just thrilled to be feeling something beyond incredulity over what Serena said to Blair on Gossip Girl.

So, I drove to McDonalds in the middle of the night (my husband will be up in 3 hours for work) because I got all fired up about something. Factory farming animal abuses, to be specific, but more on that later. The point is that this week, a fire has been rekindled. And I can praise the Lord because all true passion is from Him. So there is a fire now, a fire to try to love Creation a little more each day. A fire to get off my couch and get to living.

Passion is back and I sure hope it is back to stay. Can I get an Amen up in here?!


  1. Ha. I had the same realization last year--6 months after we had just gotten married. I was eating cookies and watching ugly betty. Coincidentally, I started a blog.