Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Boundaries & Sharing

As I jump (or maybe slowly, very slowly and hesitatingly stroll) back in to the world of sharing my thoughts on the world wide web, I've been asking myself what boundaries I want to set internally this time around. I did the livejournal thing, beginning around age 17 and tapering off around the time my crazies subsided. Since the crazies have mostly become a background part of my life, though they will always be a part of myself that I must remain aware of, this time "online journaling" has become quite different.

My approach to writing in the early years was fairly simple: I wanted affirmation, vindication. There was a bit of good old-fashioned judginess mixed in. In short, I wanted people to tell me I was pretty and I wanted to feel better than others by posting about how superior my views were. My livejournals are pretty horrific (but satisfyingly dramatic) to revisit.

I'd like to think that my mindset has mellowed over the last ten years since I began writing in the public eye. At least I hope I have mellowed since being a rather intense teenager who took her youth-group teachings to the world and felt she had to convert everyone to perfection IMMEDIATELY. Um. Oops.

It is a scary thing, putting bits and pieces of your heart and passions out for the wide world to see. It takes boldness. I think I am ready to be vulnerable again. This time, I think I've learned that true vulnerability, really sharing your heart, means that you are also willing to hear the hearts of others. Striving to understand what other folks' passions are. Holding out my views with a loose grip, with a willingness to listen and consider that there could always be a different, a better way.

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